i am, you are
gosh, am I knee-deep in rebuilding this season of my life…. if you’ve read my first post, you may kind of know lol. But lately it feels less about what I'm planting in my new little garden, and more about who's actually holding the shovel.
Underneath all of it - the confusion, the overwhelm, the sadness and grief - I keep coming back to two little words, I AM, and WOW have they cracked something open.
If you grew up religious at all, you probably recognize I AM from somewhere. It’s the name God gives Himself in Exodus - Moses asks who's sending him, and God says "I AM WHO I AM." Not a name like ours. Not a title. Just existence itself, saying: I am the thing that is.
This has really struck a cord in my heart these days, and after doing a lotttt of meditating on it, it seams to be the only truth there is. And if I AM is the truest statement - the one thing under every other thing - then the next question kind of has to be: what does that actually have to do with me?
This is where it gets really good, and here’s how I’ve come to understand it:
We're all souls having a human experience. And a soul, in its most stripped-down, honest form, is a little piece of God. Kind of like a wave and the ocean - the wave is still fully, completely water, even while it's doing its own separate little dance on the surface. It never stopped being the ocean. It just forgot, for a while, that it was.
That's kind of what happens to us.
And to take this even a little bit deeper… I believe that before we got to earth, our higher selves - the deepest, wisest part of us - helped design this exact life. Not randomly - completely on purpose, for our highest good. And part of that design was a deal: we'd keep circling back to the same lessons - maybe in different outfits, relationships and seasons - until we actually learn it.
Ever notice how you can leave a job, a friendship, a whole city - and somehow still run into the same trials, maybe just in a new body? This is quite the opposite of a coincidence - it’s our soul contract working exactly as it intended.
The HUGE catch is - the second we're born into this lifetime, we forget everything. Our soul. Our source. God, light, love, abundance - completely gone from our conscious memory the moment we take our first breath. We land in a world that can feel dark and confusing and lonely, and we spend so much of our lives trying to find our way back.
But we’re given some pretty incredible tools down here, whether they feel like blessings or not - pain, joy, love, heartbreak, injury, illness, healing.
This is why the bad seasons tend to crack you open instead of fully breaking you. They're not punishment, they're the way back home.
And if you've made it this far - I'm giving you the secret of the entire universe !!!!
The source of everything good you've ever been searching for - peace, safety, love, joy, abundance, freedom - isn't out there somewhere for you to find. It's already in you. It's in your body, your heart, your actual soul. When you slow down enough to really listen to yourself - and I mean your body, not just your racing thoughts - and you start aligning with the highest, truest version of who you are, giving all of it back to God as you go, you find the exact thing you've been chasing was never separate from you to begin with.
You are God.
And not in an ego-ic, blasphemous type of way - quite the opposite actually. In the way a spark is still fire, the way a drop is still ocean, the way scripture promised we were made in His perfect image: there is a piece of the divine living inside you, right now, in this exact messy season of your life. Not something you have to earn or work harder for. Simply something you get to remember.
So maybe that's the practice, more than anything - not becoming something new, but remembering what was always true.
I AM, & you are too.
<3
